A Dimensional Crisis of Shrimp Proportions
by fantastyfreak1456
Summary: Warning: This fan-fiction contains prawns!  After the destruction of Sunnydale, Anya realizes that she is not dead, but trapped permanently within the seemingly desolate world filled with nothing but shrimp. Can the Buffy crew rescue her from the prawns?


Anya's POV

Wasn't it worrying that I could still recount pieces of my wedding proposal to Xander? _I will submit to you for the length of both our lives... No.. that sounds disturbingly misogynistic..._

Where was I now? Had I really just died for that loser whom I had once loved? He was my first love who helped educate me in the strange primitive affair of "human" romance. I was used to vengeance, not the promise of bliss. Except, the small subscript never mentioned any cautionary warnings that human romance most assuredly results in disaster which spells "melodrama," "hard feelings," and that grave numbness that temporarily blinds us from any hope for a better future.

I didn't know that I'd be caught dead brooding in this dimension where there was literally nothing but shrimp. Back during the days of Jonathan's artificial reality, I made a snide remark about the possibility of there being " a dimension of nothing but shrimp."  
>Here, I was ironically trapped in this boring dimension where there was nothing but lifeless shrimp in a wide expanse of space without any limits. Therefore, there was limitless shrimp which signified limitless time to be trapped in this unending sequence of dwelling on past events,or wrongs that could never be rectified. All of these misgivings, and regret were metaphorically like the shrimp.. Oh god, I'm losing it... I'm speaking analogously of the shrimp as if they were some symbol of my endless store of regrets... If I were still a demon, these shrimp would be fried.<p>

It was the fervent hope that Xander and I could have patched things up.. That was why I asked D'Hoffryn to be released from my binding contract with him. For a while, the vengeance assuaged that burdensome grief that resulted from the crazy human situation where you feel so damn powerless in the face of the tragedy set before you. My former life was one dismal Greek Tragedy without the misogynistic undertones, or incest. Now, I was trying not to weep in a world surrounded by cold shrimp that I couldn't even cook. If they were onions that could be cut and and grilled to add to a tantalizing cheese steak.. I would be crying up a storm.

Except, this wasn't the land of beef, onions, and wheat. So alas, I must lament the impossibility of getting anything remotely nutritious or tasty in this "shrimpy" dimension..

What do the Catholics call the post-mortem place where you're neither in heaven or hell? I know; this was purgatory filled to the brim with indifferent shrimp. It was Chinese water torture without the agonizing "drip" of water hitting a surface of sorts. No, the water was every single damn thought that slowly filled my mind. At least, it wasn't inundating my mind all at once. That would be both unpleasant, and unsavory much like this shrimp. God, why does it always return to the shrimp?

The shrimp was a constant reminder that I was now lifeless, and even nonexistent within certain dimensions. What could I do here? Why didn't I die? Was I to live here for a certain period of time till I am miraculously placed back in my original dimension where only three days has passed there since time in different dimensions differs.

Except, being here in this miserable place would feel like an immeasurable eternity. An eternity that could span forty or fifty years without relief. I was to remain here frozen within this grievous state where I was beyond shedding tears or trying to seek refuge anymore. It was purgatory which was exceedingly worse than hell  
>********<p>

Xander's POV

The bus smelled distinctly like rotten diesel fuel. All the former potential slayers, now slayers, were becoming cranky because this trip was infinitely longer, and more torturous than that "dud" of a film called "Apocalypse Now" that once caused my friends t have freakish nightmares due to some ornery bitch whose name was the cryptic:"Original Slayer," or "Retro-Slayer" who was now as defunct as those light-up shoes kids in the nineties wore to school.

"Xander, Stop lounging, we need some direction here. I'm only good at providing the entertaining one-liners, and fighting off big-baddies. Things like directions really miff me." Buffy interrupted my thoughts with an annoyed tone probably due to the restless slayers who incessantly whined about the lack of potty breaks.

Another annoyance came in the form of Andrew. "I wish I would have brought the "Back to the Future," series..." A boy with unkempt blond hair, and boring black clothing interrupted the all-important dialogue between Buffy and I about our directions.

Ignoring him, I answered Buffy, " Yeah... Directions.. They're not elusive like the "Scarlet Pimpernell.. They're actually pretty tangible... Let me just find the fold-out map,,, I have stowed away somewhere."

"I've been telling you that magic would be much more effective," Willow, the red haired witch abruptly said while separating herself from Kennedy's arms. Kennedy was her newest girlfriend that had brown,wavy hair and she looked very resilient. Some men would say that she was even emasculating with her tough voice that told others that she didn't tolerate "any shit."

"We don't need Magic maps.. Its not like we're riding on the Magic School Bus.."I sarcastically replied.  
>"I could easily change that."<p>

"Willow, How about we save the "Magic School bus" thing for a more nostalgic day?"

A certain obnoxious voice soon surfaced. "We can always watch "Back to the Future."

"Andrew, How many times have we reproved your unhealthy obsession with "Michael ." My voice grew with irritation as the conversation about "maps" seems to have transformed into a possible Andrew admission about the clear fact that he is gay, and loves "Back to the Future," only for Michael J. Fox who made one ugly ass rat named "Stuart Little."

"Let's find the map before one of the slayers uses it as toilet paper," Buffy's commanding voice interceded and silenced any of the loose, off-topic chatter spoken by either Andrew or Willow.

"Ummm... Buffy... I sorta already used it for those purposes when we stopped at the side of the road." A certain promiscuous slayer with the oxymoron of a name "Faith" admitted to doing something truly felonious.

Giles, who was formerly asleep, awoke with a start and yelled:"That was my research about the dimension where there was nothing but shrimp."

TO BE CONTINUED...


End file.
